This week I want to talk about being human, which might seem an obvious topic, but bear with me.

When you work with personal growth and mentoring people, we’re supposed to be positive, we’re supposed to be constructive, to look forward to things and not sit in what’s heavy or uncomfortable. And all of that has value.

However, and it’s a big however, it can lead us to deny or dismiss feelings that we have that are necessary and valuable for us to grow. Of course it’s important to be positive, but when you’re going through something, a challenge that affects who you are and how you see yourself, telling yourself everything’s going to be wonderful doesn’t necessarily help you to grow.

Being willing to look at how you’re feeling, acknowledge how you’re feeling is important without giving yourself a solution immediately.

So Tony, it’ll be almost, it’s almost three months since Tony died. And it’s been like an eternity, funnily enough.

I’ve tried to honour what I’m feeling. I noticed, however, that I was beginning to judge the amount of time it’s taking me. to get beyond it. Logic tells me I know that 56 years isn’t going to be getting over in a blink of an eye. But there’s a deeper part of me that says don’t make people uncomfortable. Don’t let them see how it’s affecting you. Pretend everything’s okay because then they won’t feel uncomfortable.

And that denies our journey.

I have a couple of friends with whom I can be very honest. with whom I can say I’ve had a bad time, I didn’t sleep last night or something happened and I just cried for two hours and they accept it although at times I begin to feel a bit concerned that perhaps I’m pulling their energy down. No, I’m not and one of them actually told me that.

If we don’t honour how we feel by allowing ourselves to feel it and then allowing ourselves to find what we want to do to address it, that energy sits inside of us and it can cause illness, it can cause disease. Does that mean we should talk about it to anybody that’s prepared to listen? No. It’s about being aware of the people that are with you because that’s where they choose to be and the people that are with you because they feel sorry for you and they want to help you.

The first are people you can share who you feel with. And if you have that, that’s wonderful. And if you don’t, then reach out. Perhaps there’s somebody there that you haven’t seen.

The people that sympathise want you to feel better so they can feel better. It’s not deliberate. It’s not that they’re unkind or uncaring. They just want you to feel okay. And the sooner you can forget how you’re feeling and pretend that everything’s okay, the better it is. No.

There used to be a thing in the 80s. Fake it until you make it. It’s not good.

You can anticipate that there are good times around the corner whilst accepting that you’re not ready for them yet.

Give yourself the space you need to be honest.

Excuse me, I’ve got a cold.

To accept that today you don’t feel positive. Tomorrow you may.

That today, you can’t see the silver lining and that’s okay.

That’s how being authentic helps us to heal.